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Why does it matter how we think of ourselves?

Let's be honest, most of our limitations live in our heads. That's why the way we think of ourselves has a strong influence on shaping our future.

This is where a certain paradox arises. Sometimes we have situations like in the anecdote: "You have the strength, you have the will, but you don't have the willpower..." I mean that there are some goals that cannot be moved by willpower alone. What could be the issue here? It's simple and complicated at the same time. Think about it, do you believe deep down inside that you really can achieve what you desire? If you are a stubborn little tank pushing forward on sheer willpower, not believing that you can do anything, you will most likely break down along the way.

Is there nothing you can do, you may be upset? Quite possible. The fact is that the context or environment in which we all find ourselves plays a huge role in the realization of desires.

I think I will not reveal anything new to anyone by saying that if you have people around you who believe in you and your goal, who support you, you "move" towards its achievement with less resistance. At the same time, your chances of not believing in your own success are rapidly decreasing. What's more, it doesn't even occur to you that you might not succeed!

Why? Yes, because, firstly, those who are close to you, approve and accept your aspirations. Secondly, if the realization of your plans requires certain skills, and you are close to those who have them, then underlyingly you master them. In other words, there is no such thing as those around you telling you, "It can't be done! You can't do it! No one can do this. Why are you trying to jump over your head?"

On the contrary, they gently push you to master more and more tools with their support, explanations, and maybe even by example.

Do you feel the difference between saying: "What the hell kind of tanker are you?" and "Look, this is a tank, to drive it you have to do this and this. See, it's moving. Come tomorrow, I'll teach you how to ride it."

It may be a silly and exaggerated example, but it clearly shows how thoughts are formed about whether you can achieve something or not.

Now let's dig even deeper... Please remember your childhood dreams about something... At least about becoming, for example, an entomologist, an actress, a journalist, a model... What was the reaction of your loved ones? What was the reaction of those closest to you?

"What? Are you serious? What kind of profession is that? What are you going to live on? Don't fool around. Go and study to be a doctor, accountant, teacher. You'll always have a penny. And others will not be ashamed to look in the eyes..."

Now what was all this written for?

Most of the goals you want to achieve are achievable. The environment you are in plays a huge role in their realization. Pay close attention to how much the people around you accept and approve of your aspirations. How nourishing is the soil on which you are trying to "grow your crop".

Let's conclude with one more example, who is engaged in gardening and horticulture, well, or at least grows flowers at home, I will understand.

Each plant has certain requirements for lighting, soil and watering. If the environment is not suitable, the plant will certainly try to survive, but most likely will eventually give up and rest in peace.

So are your goals. When setting a goal, consider how much of the environment in which you are trying to realize it will be "nurturing" to achieve it?

How can you change the conditions so that the resistance of the environment is minimized? How do you get into an environment where people already have what you want to achieve?

Focus on those who are already successful in your area of interest. Socialize, expand your circle of acquaintances from this environment. 

The most difficult thing is to overcome the attitude inside yourself "I will not succeed". If there are those around you who have already achieved it, you will slowly "pull up" to their level. Adopt skills and habits. Eventually, the goal will be closer to you, and you will realize and accept that it is real.


Anna Matyagina

psycotherapist, certified coach ICI, MRI, AC; specialize in Jungian sand therapy, metaphorical maps, PhD in Engineering

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