There is no person who has not heard of a mid-life crisis. However, the last decades have turned the understanding of this phenomenon and approaches to it upside down.
The fact is that our attitude to age in general is rapidly changing. Fundamentally different speeds of everything that happens, new generation technologies, the Internet, opportunities for learning, the length and quality of life in general, changing social and gender expectations - these are the factors that create the current reality of people. The way our grandparents lived in their 45+ years, what our parents' lives were like at the same age, and what a person who has reached their fourth decade today has to deal with, is impossible to compare.
It's a tremendous potential, in fact - a chance to live the second half of life in a completely different way than it was in the first. It's not strange that this is seen as so valuable - who knows that the choices we make in our youth are often far away from the truth? But where does the crisis come from? Let's look into it.
How we make decisions
Not at all well aware of ourselves and the life that can make us happy, we once made decisions that had consequences. Usually it was like this.
In my 18-20s, I choose where to go to school based on a dozen different motives. For example, such as this:
- it seems interesting
- it's easy to make money in this field
- it's not hard to get in and study
- If it is easy, then you are not developing
- I don't want to upset my mother
- I have to get some kind of education
- I don't know where, but it's close to home....
And then a snowball rushes down the mountain, which is not so easy to resist. Somehow I'm studying (often much harder or more boring than I bargained for). Once I get an education, I logically get a relevant job. A year or five to ten goes by. I already have some experience there, have achieved something, and I have a name in certain circles. Perhaps I realize more and more that this is completely "not my thing," but the inertia is already so great that I keep going. And I go on and on and on.
Okay, if it ends in a couple of years. But much more often, along with the snowball by the time I'm forty or older, I find myself inside of a life that is completely not my own, with all the signs of burnout.
The fears of change
A crisis, a feeling of deadlock, of being stuck inside irreconcilable circumstances arises at the junction of two realities. I am mentally and physically tired to the limit, I cannot and do not want to continue working as I have always done, there is no me in it and nothing for the soul, BUT:
- Where am I going to go now - I have a family to feed?
- It's foolish to give up what I've already invested so much in
- Difficulties must be overcome
- Parents are of an age - I have to think about it, etc.
But even though I feel like I'm ready to make a change, there are no fewer questions for 45. After spending many years, I learned that the business I chose was not my story at all. It didn't add any understanding to the question of which is mine.
Often a fear is immediately triggered: to try a different path, will I need at least as much time and energy as I did last time? Will I become a specialist at 60 (is this ridiculous)? What if I choose the wrong one again? (easily, where are the guarantees? I've already chosen wrong once). It gets harder and harder to learn and master new things as we get older...
Numerous studies show that this is not the case. What develops is what is used and works - the brain has no age restrictions. On the contrary, second and even third educations, especially when they are "own" (reflect our strengths and values) are given incomparably faster and easier. Entering a new profession is based on life experience in general, maturity, self-esteem and serious motivation. Research is research... But are there many people around you right now who have taken a risk to make a change and find themselves? No, there are still very few - the fears are stronger.
And then there is the discomfort of losing your status, of starting from scratch again, of being a beginner, of feeling like a failure not at 20, but when you left all this behind long ago. And then there is the usual standard of living, needs, expenses, obligations (when can I earn at least as much in my new job?) And will I be able to compete with those who are in the same field and a couple of decades younger?
And it's all about believing in yourself - and it wouldn't be so scary and solvable. But serious life changes take strength. And often significantly more strength than to maintain the usual automatisms. And there is no strength at all (and this is the main sign of burnout and not living one's life).
What to do about it all?
There is actually a solution. In order to find yourself there is not only the method of trial and error. Much of what determines our sense of life, strength, fulfillment and success is embedded in our psychotype.
- is the personality structure inherent in us by nature, our organic manifestations, the areas of life that are easy and feel meaningful, and those that deprive us of joy. Those areas in which learning and development will bring us satisfaction.
- is a tool to help us deal with our weaknesses, to calm down in our desire to develop them, to get away from perfectionism and guilt about our own "inferiority" and learn to accept support and help for them.
- is a way of learning to see the diversity of people's expressions and the value of that diversity
There are 16 such psychotypes and each without exception is abundantly endowed with talents (which, without understanding our own uniqueness, we unwittingly tend to ignore). To know your strengths and weaknesses, to love your unique combination of qualities, to trust the way you want to live for a long time is the first and most important step to get out of the mid-life crisis. New choices, unexpected decisions, a new approach to myself will gradually become a new snowball - when inside every day I feel like living.
Here you find more about type session https://kassich.ru/socionics_session_eng