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How to build the life of your dreams?

This is perhaps the main question-paradox, which is essentially hidden behind all the other questions we decide for ourselves in this world. Why the paradox? Because a couple of words are enough to answer it, there are still very few people who live like that.

Any one of us can start living such a life right now. Without even finishing this sentence. The kind of life that makes your eyes glaze over. Because a dream life is just a choice. A million choices every day that we make. Choosing ourselves or whatever and whoever else we choose.

It doesn't take years of effort and overcoming (in fact, it doesn't take any) to make it happen. You don't need to be somehow fabulously lucky (you're already fucking lucky - you're alive to ask such questions). You don't need to wait for the kids to grow up, for the mortgage to expire, or for the right time to come (it won't come, everyone who's waited longingly confirms). You don't have to earn a special right (it's with us from birth).

You are guaranteed always to have absolutely everything you need to live your dream. To start living your life, all you have to do is stop putting yourself and your resources into things that are not important to you. Do you say you don't do that? Oh no...

  • He wants freedom and adventure, but instead, he builds a house.
  • She raves about a photo tour to Cambodia but gives birth to her second baby.
  • She cares about peace of mind, but she moves to look after her grumpy mother-in-law.
  • He is looking for an interesting case but kills himself in hiring for a "better life" for his son.
  • She dreams of a close relationship but gets involved in another business.

Examples of self-betrayal could fill a good multi-volume. It is a pity to produce waste paper. Constantly "trying", "evolving", and "stepping out of one's comfort zone" - has become so commonplace that this "normality" now seems right. (This is what always happens with what is 'normal'. What's much more interesting is the question of whether it made someone happy. But it's embarrassing, it's not a common question to ask).

The number one catch is that we won't get or have time for everything. By flirting with conventional scenarios ("everyone should...") for the sake of a tick in the box of "normal", we risk simply missing out on the answer to the one vital question:

 HOW WOULD I REALLY LIKE TO LIVE?

The price of your life is the decision to prioritize it. Right now, push back everything that gets in the way. All of the non-priority flows. The price of dream life is the willingness to take a risk and give something up. "One cannot be harnessed to one harness...". Adventure and stability don't come together. The creative flow and the monthly battle for credit don't mix. Something will have to be left out of the balloon you're flying in any way.

Realistically right this second, you have plenty of resources to do what you want to do. If you don't pay for your fears with them, you will succeed.

But here we usually stumble again - and that's catch number two. It's not enough to dismiss conventional dream lives (brands, yachts, MBAs, careers, success, flats, families, sexy bodies, etc). It's not even enough to realize and scrub your desires from the plaque of parental expectations, gender roles, psychological trends, and what supposedly makes everyone happy. To have spent years rushing towards a goal to achieve... and feel NOTHING but fatigue. Isn't that a cause for depression? (Which, by the way, has taken over the world in recent decades, have you noticed? Emotional burnout, loss of desire, energy, and joy to live, even children take antidepressants).  

The dream life is about being yourself.

And to leave in it only the things that make YOU happy. What pleases, warms, inspires, fills your batteries, feels cool, meaningful, valuable, easy, and interesting. Even if everyone around you has it differently.

Living the dream life is about allowing yourself to remove from your reality anything that makes you less, makes you strain, excuses tries, lies adjusts, pulls out, fears, or explanations. 

I call it our 'basic firmware'. Knowing them about yourself is like getting a navigation chart for your ship. Sailing with it is much more interesting than wandering around without reference points in the ocean of life, hoping that it will hit somewhere.

Essential parts of your dream life are tied to your psycho type. It only takes two hours to get a complete picture of what makes you happy and fulfilled. If you ever want to get to know it and figure it out, I would be happy to help you do so.

In the meantime, you can start by asking yourself some basic questions:

  1. How long has it been since my eyes lit up?
  2. How often do I not do what I want, but what I should or must do?
  3. How much am I sick or feeling low in energy
  4. Which is more important in my life - ease and luck or overcoming problems?

Having your own life, commonly referred to as a "dream life", is indeed an amazing gift. But it is not the cherry on the cake (you can do without it, can't you?). For years without choosing yourself, you are bound to get the "opposite" gifts - a life of endless deadlines, conflicts, panic attacks, tantrums, trauma, and apathy.  

Close that window, and start living life to the fullest. There's no chance you won't make it - you were born to do it.  


More about the training https://kassich.ru/socionics_session_eng

Author

Yulia Kassich

psychotherapist, specifies on socionics. More than 20 years of experience, thousands hours of consultations, hundreds hours of trainings, webinars, online courses. Yulia is living her dream life by traveling the world for the last 12 years

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