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How to accept yourself? Five important steps

We live under the constant pressure of someone else's expectations about conformity to norms, rules, standards, and stereotypes about lifestyle, relationships, family, and work. At some point, the race to conformity goes too far. The gap between who we are and who we want to become is truly enormous.

We begin to reject and reject ourselves.

At this point, dissatisfaction, irritation, and dissatisfaction become our constant companions, even if all the "attributes of happiness" we desire seem to be present. What to do? How to be a happy person, and not appear as such? The first step, the most important and perhaps the most difficult - is to accept yourself. What do you need to do to do this?

Step 1: Realize that the story called "Life" is one

You are your only chance to live it fully and happily. No matter what happens in life, in all situations, you are there for yourself. Your body, your brain, your feelings, your character.

I think it makes sense to make friends with yourself. Become a trusted friend and forgive yourself, just as you forgive your friends for their flaws and imperfections. In everything. In appearance. Your body. In character. Desires. All the "imperfections" make you interesting, unique, and one of a kind.

Step 2: Accept your past

Your past is just a part of life. Your mistakes are an experience. Without them, you would not be yourself. You wouldn't know what you like, what is unacceptable to you. You wouldn't know what you're capable of.

Your parents and all those around you are only human. They make mistakes. Even if they think they are right about everything. They are not perfect. All their lives they, too, have been part of a race to conformity. It's gotten to them, too.

Your past is not just your pain. Your past is your strength. Take away your experience, your strength, and your learned survival skills. Forgive everything else, let go, and move on.

Step 3: Examine yourself in the present

It's time to get to know yourself. What do you love? What inspires you? What gives you strength and what takes it away? What talents do you have? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What is it that you want? Why do you want it? What are relationships, family, work, children, and leisure time for you? Where does your comfort zone begin and where does it end? What is valuable to you? What can you accept and what is unacceptable? You will have to answer a lot of questions honestly.

Step 4: Review your plans

Check each item in your plan for the future against your true desires. Is this really what you want? What happens in your life if you get it? What changes will happen? Do you really need them?

Step 5: Accept that your life is your choice

The world around you offers many "easy choices". Decisions can be made or not. Actions can be taken or not. It is your choice. To conform or not to something is also your choice.

The world around you is made up of opportunities. Which ones will you want to take advantage of? Priorities and values change. As you get older. Under the influence of external factors.

Today, society has some requirements for an ideal life. Tomorrow they may change. One thing will remain the same. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, for healthier or sicker, you will always have yourself.

It is hard to live according to other people's scenarios, constantly checking your life, as with a compass, with other people's expectations. When you decide to be yourself, you will likely encounter misunderstanding and rejection from those closest to you. Their bewilderment. Their snide remarks. Obsessive anxiety. Zeroing in and devaluing remarks. There will be pain.

However, there will come into your life those who will reach out to you. Support you. Encourage you.

For someone else, your experience of being you and doing what you want to do will be an example. An inspiration. A strength. That is possible. Despite your surroundings and circumstances.


Anna Matyagina

psycotherapist, certified coach ICI, MRI, AC; specialize in Jungian sand therapy, metaphorical maps, PhD in Engineering

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