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How the relation to your mother affects the quality of life

Our relationship with our mother directly affects how we perceive the world. Children who have grown up in a loving, caring, supportive environment live with the knowledge that this is how it should be, that everyone around them loves them, cares about them and supports them. 

This feeling depends first and foremost on how the mother treats the child, because the mother is the beginning of everything, she is the primary source. The relationship with mom shapes our subconscious mind: as mom accepts us, so the world accepts us, as mom loves us, so we are able to love and monitor our own emotional stability.

Every mother loves and cares for her baby as much as she can, she gives exactly as much as she is capable of expressing and revealing in her attitude towards her child. There is no such thing as a good or a bad mother. 

A mother's attitude towards her child affects various factors of child’s inner development: 

- Connection with oneself: acceptance of oneself, love and respect for oneself, wishing oneself happiness and well-being, awareness of one's worth;

- Your perception of the opposite sex and your attitude towards them: what feelings you have towards men/women, your reaction to sympathy and care on their part (warm words, protection, love), acceptance of the partner in your life;

- Dependence on other people's love: do you fall into co-dependency;

- Ability to love another person;⠀

- Susceptibility to neuroses and addictions.

Influence can be both positive, supportive or limiting and destructive. It all depends on the quality of the relationship with the mother: how we relate to her and how we perceive her.

Each of us has had situations when we want to achieve more, to go further, higher, wider, faster. But something slows us down, there is a lack of confidence in ourselves, in our possibilities and abilities, and attitudes that have been in the most distant corner of our subconscious mind for a long time come out. All of these factors are formed from violations in the relationship with the mother. 

The most frequent violations are as follows: 

- Lack of honesty: you behave insincerely around your mother, play some roles that are foreign to you, you are afraid to express your opinion and share your experience with her;⠀

- Resentment towards your mother;

- Conflicts, misunderstanding and non-acceptance of each other, inability to listen;

- Dependence on her opinion and approval, fear of judgment;

- A sense of duty and guilt towards her, an excessive desire to please;

- Lack of intimacy: unwillingness to see her and to know what is going on in her life. Any tension in communication.

Painful, conflictual, unbalanced relationships with your mother often lead to problems in love, work and other areas of life. To understand your relationship with your mother and how it affects your life, ask yourself a few questions: 

  1. How do you feel when you are around your mom?
  2. What do you have in common with her?
  3. What are you like about her?
  4. What qualities do you get from her?
  5. What are you most grateful to your mom for?

Some people build inner barriers when it comes to their relationship with their mom. They are afraid of her opinion, afraid not to please her, harbor resentments, or expect her love. By working through the figure of your mother, by gaining knowledge and awareness, your life takes on a new quality, you go to a completely different level:

- Your relationship with the opposite sex improves

- You find your purpose, your favorite thing to do. 

- There is more acceptance and warmth in your relationship with yourself

- You have more courage and determination to realize your desires and plans

- Self-confidence and a lot of other positive internal changes occur.

Conclusion: If you really want to get to know yourself, discover your potential, want to reach a new level of income, improve the quality of life, to live a happy, fulfilling, easy life - look at your relationship with your mom. In them you will find a lot of answers to your most pressing questions.


Ekaterina Sukharchuk

psychologist, art and gestalt therapist, specialized on EMDR techniques

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