The time in which we live has another peculiarity: from a huge number of phenomena only the outer shell has remained. We have almost lost contact with the inner essence and meaning of many things. From intimacy has remained sex, from the favorite thing - work, from the connection with God - religiosity. Without realizing the true meaning, we are forced to cling to rituals.
- How many times do you have to cross yourself for God to hear you? With which hand?
- How sexy do I need to be and how young do I need to look for a man to love me?
- How much do I need to pay to make me feel fulfilled?
The family has not been spared this fate. As part of a harmonious world order, it has its own tasks: it is not born from nothing and does not survive when the real thing for which it exists is gone. Here we will approach this modern paradox that has happened to the family from different angles, gradually clearing the space from all the superfluous. We will look at the feminine journey within and without the family, finding strength and meaning in what is happening.
More often than not, it is false expectations of family relationships that lead to the most painful disappointments. Waiting for a miracle, inspired, pressured by judgment, depressed by loneliness, laying our deepest hopes for change for the better, we focus all our energies on this magic pill for all problems. Don't you think it's strange the frenzy with which we invest in, for example, a wedding day? It's just the beginning, nothing more. Nothing has been realized yet, nothing has been accomplished, no family has happened, in fact nothing has happened yet. We just agreed to try and try to walk this path together. This is as absurd as loudly congratulating on conception and even birth, the idea of building a house, going to work. Certainly all of these things are great, but is that part the main part?
We are often told that the story of the family has become much worse than before, about the fall of morals and the lost generation. They say that our grandparents and great-grandparents all married, gave birth, lived all their lives together, not like now.... Family values were... What else is not to slip into a sense of guilt, right? They've been saying that for years, by the way. Several generations have changed to this record.
It is again only a shell, a bright soap bubble, which is clearly visible, so it so persistently diverts attention from the essence.
For many years, family life was the only social institution in which it was realistic to survive. Let's not get into the Middle Ages and disturb our serf ancestors in vain, let's stick close to what is still in memory. 100, 70, 50 years ago, when our great-grandmothers and grandmothers were living, our mothers and aunts were starting their active lives - how could a woman live alone? Having left the parental wing, she could not buy a separate place for herself, provide for her life independently, adopt a child if she wished.
It was extremely difficult in the city, impossible in the village. Can you imagine a woman living alone in the village, running the whole household - happy, self-sufficient, self-realized without a man by her side? This is certainly not an era when we needed physical protection literally and someone had to bring a mammoth supply into the house while you were with the kids. But living together was simply economically more profitable, easier, more convenient.
This is the way (and only this way!) it was ACCEPTED. For those who did not fit in, in addition to the inconvenience of other formats of life and public censure, there were quite weighty levers of control - tax on non-family and childlessness. With the appearance of a family, and then children, you had a real chance to get an apartment and all sorts of perks in the form of a bunch of benefits. All conditions were created to make it extremely uncomfortable for a woman to be left out of it all. If we were to marry now the way it happened then, there is no doubt: we would all be married. So let's not - the “unit of society” was not at all a reflection of family values. When we're looking for a man, do we just want extra hands in the house?
No. We expect intimacy, mutual understanding, coincidence of views, fine-tuning and a hundred other nuances.
A similar story has happened with parenting. Some 50 years ago the attitude to upbringing did not often go beyond “fed, clothed, and clothed”, the opportunity to choose when to become a mom was often limited only by criminal abortions. Therefore, in principle, having many children was the norm. The only question was whether you could physically pull it all off: that you had enough food and clothes, and that the house was big enough. It was a time of different expectations from yourself as well. Thinking about motherhood today, we hope to at least raise a complete, unshaken psychologically, developed in all aspects, completely unique individual. How many children can you give birth to and raise TAKE?
The situation began to change significantly when women began to study differently, work differently, and earn money accordingly. When there was free time to think about her life and the opportunity to travel around the world. When the evaluation of a woman as such changed, and her family status ceased to be a key factor. When women's perception of themselves, their value and their place began to change.
In my opinion, the current state of affairs is in many ways much healthier and more real. It's about the freedom to live your life consciously. Despite all the chaos around the topic, we have opened ourselves up to the chance for good change.
